The Sunny Side of Me

  So…. Who’s Sunny? Well… It’s my new name. Or will be legally when the courts open their services and I can ACTUALLY get the paperwork I need. OR the motivation to find it all. Some of you may know I am now divorced! No, honestly. A very good thing. Keep an eye out for a unwedding shoot. 😉 I have been in a lot of…turmoil over the last year. And it had nothing to do with the dreaded C word. It was coming for a long time and it’s finally FINALLY done. Now I am left with… pieces. Fractures of the family I lost, a shattered façade that kept me protected, and a deathly new fear of commitment. To anything and everything. Going to school? Maybe a semester, I have a divorce hearing coming up… Seeing new people? Yeah, tried that.. It’s awkward as hell… Finding a job in a pandemic? Yeah.. no one is hiring! No one that pays a livable wage… But, I did get a job. I do have a place to stay. I have resources and a fiercely loving family. I would be so drowned without them....

 Let's try this again... Welcome to the Sunny Side of Me I am afraid of ambition.  People with drive always feel so unattainable. Like “I have no drive, how would I ever compare?” Why do I never take my own advice? I can’t get myself to stop from seeing how I fall short. I fall short a lot. But that’s only because I keep holding myself to the wrong metric. I need to compare myself to myself. Not at my peak, but at how I did yesterday. Feel tired? Get more sleep than the night before. Didn’t pack a dinner for work? Make something ahead of time today. The mistakes don’t grow like piles of laundry. Mistakes are like tallies on a white board. Do better and wipe it clean. Christ wipes it clean every weak when we take the sacrament. I told myself yesterday not to take it. I knew it was part of the process. But something in me said I needed it. That I needed to take the first step, and then another and another. The first was deciding to go. Then it was getting dressed. Putti...